Cold Stone Creamery

I have a bit of a gripe and some history with Cold Stone Creamery so sit back and read this ripping good yarn. For all of you who don’t know what this establishment is it’s a “premium” ice cream shop that’s trying to make it’s way into Canada. Honestly, nobody is going to beat the quality and value of the Stoney Creek Dairy when I feel like having some ice cream locally, but Stone Cold Steve Austin’s Creamery is trying to open up a can of ice cream in a seasonally profitable market by joining forces with Tim Hortons. Did Horton hear a Who? I thought he had a thing for Dave Thomas and his Pippi Longstocking look-a-like daughter, Wendy.

I’m getting sidetracked here. My history starts with a job interview at a Tim Hortons HR hut or whatever it’s called. During this interview I had to answer the standard interview questions and then was given a paper with song lyrics. Yes, I had to sing hokey lyrics to famous television show tunes like the Flintstones. Anyway, I guess I didn’t impress Simon Cowell with my audition despite his praise because I didn’t get the job. During the interview, however, the guy outlined some of the things Cold Stone would require of its employees such as singing for the customers and artistically constructing ice creamy delights by throwing it in the air and catching it behind their back. I kid you not. Here’s an extreme clip of what he was hinting at.

Fast forward to a few days ago. A friend and I visited this place on our way home from her cousin’s. Absolutely everything that I was told about the job during my interview some how didn’t seem to make it to the store front and it had only been about a month since it’s opening. Cold Stone boasts that they give the “ultimate ice cream experience.” I was served by a 40 year old man wearing a Tim Hortons uniform and paid $5 for a milkshake that was no bigger than a small drink at most fast food restaurants. No one sang and nobody dropped my ice cream on the floor in an attempt to show off. Not a single thing I experienced was ultimate. I was expecting much more from this place based on my interviewer’s enthusiasm and strict guidelines he had outlined. Something is certainly amiss here and I advise customers to exercise extreme caution when deciding where to have ice cream. There are far better choices in Hamilton.

Will I ever go back? Oh, hell no. And that’s the bottom line cause Cold Stone said so.