Observations: Teenage Mutant Ninja Whores

Nothing I'm about to say is fact and is meant to be taken lightly. I don't have my PHD in psychology, so everything is merely opinion. I suggest you laugh at my absurdities.

Somewhere in my life I remember being taught that humans (and most creatures) were engineered to breed with the best of the best from their species. This would mean the best looking and physically fit male would boink with the most attractive and symmetrically-faced female; or something to that effect. I'm 26-years-old and definitely not ready to be a parent just yet, however, many teenagers have been thrust into adulthood by becoming parents. Teenagers have unprotected sex and the byproduct, surprise-surprise, is a child they're not ready for.

I'm alright with that because it's their mistake to make, but I've noticed more and more that quite a few of these young-parents share something in common. It sounds pretty shallow of me to say what I'm about to say, but it's true. I believe we've reversed our predisposed way of reproducing by taking any willing participant, no matter how unattractive they are, and humping with it. We've essentially lowered the bar, allowing people who probably wouldn't have reproduced hundreds of year ago the privilege to do so. Everyone is equal these days, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but I find myself laughing at how things have changed.

Sex is pleasurable and most horny males would hump anything that has a hole. It doesn't seem to matter anymore. Women who lack the looks often have low self-esteem. These poor souls crave the attention their given and become easy prey. A male who knows how to play the game can easily play off that, getting what he wants. I'm sure this has happened for centuries, but ugly people were most likely poor back in the day. They probably had trouble surviving from day-to-day and ended up dying from something so trivial, which stopped the ugliness in it's tracks.

Today it's the complete opposite. Most people can afford a decent life (Unless they live in a third world country, but that's another issue entirely). I honestly wish all this wasn't so, but it makes sense to me. Because of this, I'm scared straight of having my children turn out the way so many of our youth have. I don't want my kids having low self-esteem or becoming a sexual predator. How do you prevent such a thing from even happening anyway? I'll have to bring back the chastity belt.

Final Thought:
I hope my idea of a future where ugly people breed even uglier doesn't happen. We will devolve into a hideous race of inbreed mutants, forced into the sewers of society to live out our lives as crime fighters who enjoy pizza. What a world that would be. A world of heroes fighting other heroes, all for the right to lay claim to the last remaining Pizza Hut.

Assholes & Their Printer Ink

Today my first year of college came to a close. For some reason, I feel sad. I should be happy to have time off, but instead I feel disappointed that it's over for now. The year itself seemed to go by way too fast. I've learned a lot since I've started this course, but it feels like yesterday I was sitting down for the first time in a room filled with nameless faces. Only two more years left to go and next year is going to be tough. Perhaps I should take this time to enjoy myself. Anyhow, the main reason for this post is to complain about printer ink. A worthy cause to complain about, no? Oui, oui!

Today I needed to refill my printer ink. However, I learned that the cartridges that came with my Lexmark are single-use, meaning there's a chip in the damn thing designed to stop functioning after a fixed amount has been dispensed. It's no secret companies like to nickel and dime their consumers whenever possible. I bought this printer for 80-bucks Canadian, which is a good price, but they don't make money on the sale of hardware. They make up for it by charging unfair prices on their perishable items, like cartridges. How much does ink really cost and the plastic molding needed to put it in? I'll probably do some research and come back to answer that.

I soon found out Lexmark offers refillable cartridges, which are supposedly purchased at a local retailer. Think I could find anything of the sort? Of course not. So now I'm stuck with a new colour cart that cost $31, when a refill would have been $15. If I wanted to buy a pair of black and colour cartridges, it would cost roughly $70 with taxes. For 10-bucks more I can buy a brand new printer that is probably better than my current one. A crime? I think so. A damn shame? I believe even more so.

I would like to take the main headquarters for Lexmark and give it a mighty beat down. Not on the scale of Zeus, but beatings a mere mortal could dispense. Just stomp it into the ground and take a baseball bat to it for good measure. Afterward, there would be a party in someone's apartment. This sounds oddly familiar actually....

Old Billy Mays Spoof

Last Halloween I dressed up as the late Billy Mays and made a spoof Kaboom infomercial. Some say I have a gift for idiocy. I agree.

Oh, What a Treat

So I've decided to upload some more school work, but this time they're all videos! No reading required! They aren't the greatest, but at least we're doing something in school, right?

Mohawk College Teacher's Strike Assignment

Credits:
James Whitson - Camera Operator
Jordan Small - Reporter (Voice Over and Standup)
Matthew Le Blanc - Writer, Audio & Video Editor

Camera Work Interview

Credits:
Adela Janczak - Interviewee
The Nation of Domination - Gave Nation Kicks
Matthew Le Blanc - Received Nation Kicks

Bob Loblaws Vlog Blog

Credits:
Tyson Rios - The Figure of Action

Observations: Crazy Hair = Crazy Person

It's not hard spotting someone who could potentially be mentally unhinged. Anyone can do it. There is a certain physical criteria a crazy person seems to meet before they are categorized as such. Some smell like beef, others wear clothing from the 80's and some carry a sign claiming the end is nigh.

However, I've come to notice that not only do these people have a blatant disregard for personal hygiene and style, but they also are completely unaware that a thing called hair grows on the top of their empty head. A wild and unkempt crop of protein filament** should always be the first indicator of someone's lack of brain cells. Think of it as an alarm that alerts you whenever your life, wallet or nostrils could be in jeopardy. "Stand clear! Danger! Hot!" it says with red flashing lights.

I have nothing against these people. Everyone has their problems. Not everyone that might fit this description is crazy either. Some people just have a lack of awareness for their surroundings, but nobody likes walking in the wake of someone's stench or being held up in line over a confrontation that doesn't make any sense. So I give you this simple observation that might save you some unneeded aggravation. If the hair doesn't look right, the rest of it probably isn't either.

**(a fancy way of saying hair)

Strangulation by Ribbon

Awareness ribbons have seemingly become something you "do" when it should be about the message. I'm all for providing help where its needed, but where do you draw the line? These coloured ribbons are out of control. One out of four cars I see have at least one posted somewhere. I ask, do these people truly care? Have they been directly affected by a matching affliction or is humanitarianism always fashionable?

I can't help but wonder if its another one of those "fit in and feel good" sensations one gets when supporting something. Lets look at Remembrance Day. Do poppies still carry the same meaning as they used to? The cadet in front of the grocery store certainly doesn't seem too proud. Wearing something and forgetting about it is easy, but solves nothing. Remembering what the Vets fought for can be done without having to poke a hole in your jacket. However, Remembrance Day is a tradition that people will participate in regardless of their stance, so perhaps this was a terrible example.

Here's something else to think about. When you see a kid selling something on the corner do you usually feel compelled to give him something? You can call it guilt, but you can't deny that you've never been sucked in. You almost feel pressured into doing it. Doesn't that devalue the meaning of the cause being supported? Guilting someone into support can't build a strong foundation, can it?

This whole ribbon rant started when I noticed the amount of colour variations there are. There isn't a colour without its own cause and with random combinations and designs, it makes it all the more confusing. A single colour now carries multiple causes. Sure there are a limited number of solid colours, but when will this end? Red used to support AIDS, but now supports 13 unrelated causes and afflictions. Apparently red is for hypertension, M.A.D.D and substance abuse? Now I have no idea what the driver of that van was supporting! Ribbons have become diluted, polluted and Rick Ruded (Whatever that means).

Do I have a point to all this? Not really. It's merely an observation that things might be out of control. Us, the human race, out of control? No way! Here's a quick solution. We need to make people aware of ribbon abuse and we will start by making the ribbon red*, but not before we make a Facebook group claiming that without 3-million members we won't have the funding to afford the dye for the ribbons. This makes as much sense as anything else does and it would probably work.

* (One more cause to the colour red won't hurt anyone. Plus it gives us a head start with all the pre-existing supporters.)

Check out the madness here:
http://www.craftsnscraps.com/jewelry/ribbons.html