Observations: Teenage Mutant Ninja Whores

Nothing I'm about to say is fact and is meant to be taken lightly. I don't have my PHD in psychology, so everything is merely opinion. I suggest you laugh at my absurdities.

Somewhere in my life I remember being taught that humans (and most creatures) were engineered to breed with the best of the best from their species. This would mean the best looking and physically fit male would boink with the most attractive and symmetrically-faced female; or something to that effect. I'm 26-years-old and definitely not ready to be a parent just yet, however, many teenagers have been thrust into adulthood by becoming parents. Teenagers have unprotected sex and the byproduct, surprise-surprise, is a child they're not ready for.

I'm alright with that because it's their mistake to make, but I've noticed more and more that quite a few of these young-parents share something in common. It sounds pretty shallow of me to say what I'm about to say, but it's true. I believe we've reversed our predisposed way of reproducing by taking any willing participant, no matter how unattractive they are, and humping with it. We've essentially lowered the bar, allowing people who probably wouldn't have reproduced hundreds of year ago the privilege to do so. Everyone is equal these days, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but I find myself laughing at how things have changed.

Sex is pleasurable and most horny males would hump anything that has a hole. It doesn't seem to matter anymore. Women who lack the looks often have low self-esteem. These poor souls crave the attention their given and become easy prey. A male who knows how to play the game can easily play off that, getting what he wants. I'm sure this has happened for centuries, but ugly people were most likely poor back in the day. They probably had trouble surviving from day-to-day and ended up dying from something so trivial, which stopped the ugliness in it's tracks.

Today it's the complete opposite. Most people can afford a decent life (Unless they live in a third world country, but that's another issue entirely). I honestly wish all this wasn't so, but it makes sense to me. Because of this, I'm scared straight of having my children turn out the way so many of our youth have. I don't want my kids having low self-esteem or becoming a sexual predator. How do you prevent such a thing from even happening anyway? I'll have to bring back the chastity belt.

Final Thought:
I hope my idea of a future where ugly people breed even uglier doesn't happen. We will devolve into a hideous race of inbreed mutants, forced into the sewers of society to live out our lives as crime fighters who enjoy pizza. What a world that would be. A world of heroes fighting other heroes, all for the right to lay claim to the last remaining Pizza Hut.

Assholes & Their Printer Ink

Today my first year of college came to a close. For some reason, I feel sad. I should be happy to have time off, but instead I feel disappointed that it's over for now. The year itself seemed to go by way too fast. I've learned a lot since I've started this course, but it feels like yesterday I was sitting down for the first time in a room filled with nameless faces. Only two more years left to go and next year is going to be tough. Perhaps I should take this time to enjoy myself. Anyhow, the main reason for this post is to complain about printer ink. A worthy cause to complain about, no? Oui, oui!

Today I needed to refill my printer ink. However, I learned that the cartridges that came with my Lexmark are single-use, meaning there's a chip in the damn thing designed to stop functioning after a fixed amount has been dispensed. It's no secret companies like to nickel and dime their consumers whenever possible. I bought this printer for 80-bucks Canadian, which is a good price, but they don't make money on the sale of hardware. They make up for it by charging unfair prices on their perishable items, like cartridges. How much does ink really cost and the plastic molding needed to put it in? I'll probably do some research and come back to answer that.

I soon found out Lexmark offers refillable cartridges, which are supposedly purchased at a local retailer. Think I could find anything of the sort? Of course not. So now I'm stuck with a new colour cart that cost $31, when a refill would have been $15. If I wanted to buy a pair of black and colour cartridges, it would cost roughly $70 with taxes. For 10-bucks more I can buy a brand new printer that is probably better than my current one. A crime? I think so. A damn shame? I believe even more so.

I would like to take the main headquarters for Lexmark and give it a mighty beat down. Not on the scale of Zeus, but beatings a mere mortal could dispense. Just stomp it into the ground and take a baseball bat to it for good measure. Afterward, there would be a party in someone's apartment. This sounds oddly familiar actually....

Old Billy Mays Spoof

Last Halloween I dressed up as the late Billy Mays and made a spoof Kaboom infomercial. Some say I have a gift for idiocy. I agree.

Oh, What a Treat

So I've decided to upload some more school work, but this time they're all videos! No reading required! They aren't the greatest, but at least we're doing something in school, right?

Mohawk College Teacher's Strike Assignment

Credits:
James Whitson - Camera Operator
Jordan Small - Reporter (Voice Over and Standup)
Matthew Le Blanc - Writer, Audio & Video Editor

Camera Work Interview

Credits:
Adela Janczak - Interviewee
The Nation of Domination - Gave Nation Kicks
Matthew Le Blanc - Received Nation Kicks

Bob Loblaws Vlog Blog

Credits:
Tyson Rios - The Figure of Action

Observations: Crazy Hair = Crazy Person

It's not hard spotting someone who could potentially be mentally unhinged. Anyone can do it. There is a certain physical criteria a crazy person seems to meet before they are categorized as such. Some smell like beef, others wear clothing from the 80's and some carry a sign claiming the end is nigh.

However, I've come to notice that not only do these people have a blatant disregard for personal hygiene and style, but they also are completely unaware that a thing called hair grows on the top of their empty head. A wild and unkempt crop of protein filament** should always be the first indicator of someone's lack of brain cells. Think of it as an alarm that alerts you whenever your life, wallet or nostrils could be in jeopardy. "Stand clear! Danger! Hot!" it says with red flashing lights.

I have nothing against these people. Everyone has their problems. Not everyone that might fit this description is crazy either. Some people just have a lack of awareness for their surroundings, but nobody likes walking in the wake of someone's stench or being held up in line over a confrontation that doesn't make any sense. So I give you this simple observation that might save you some unneeded aggravation. If the hair doesn't look right, the rest of it probably isn't either.

**(a fancy way of saying hair)

Strangulation by Ribbon

Awareness ribbons have seemingly become something you "do" when it should be about the message. I'm all for providing help where its needed, but where do you draw the line? These coloured ribbons are out of control. One out of four cars I see have at least one posted somewhere. I ask, do these people truly care? Have they been directly affected by a matching affliction or is humanitarianism always fashionable?

I can't help but wonder if its another one of those "fit in and feel good" sensations one gets when supporting something. Lets look at Remembrance Day. Do poppies still carry the same meaning as they used to? The cadet in front of the grocery store certainly doesn't seem too proud. Wearing something and forgetting about it is easy, but solves nothing. Remembering what the Vets fought for can be done without having to poke a hole in your jacket. However, Remembrance Day is a tradition that people will participate in regardless of their stance, so perhaps this was a terrible example.

Here's something else to think about. When you see a kid selling something on the corner do you usually feel compelled to give him something? You can call it guilt, but you can't deny that you've never been sucked in. You almost feel pressured into doing it. Doesn't that devalue the meaning of the cause being supported? Guilting someone into support can't build a strong foundation, can it?

This whole ribbon rant started when I noticed the amount of colour variations there are. There isn't a colour without its own cause and with random combinations and designs, it makes it all the more confusing. A single colour now carries multiple causes. Sure there are a limited number of solid colours, but when will this end? Red used to support AIDS, but now supports 13 unrelated causes and afflictions. Apparently red is for hypertension, M.A.D.D and substance abuse? Now I have no idea what the driver of that van was supporting! Ribbons have become diluted, polluted and Rick Ruded (Whatever that means).

Do I have a point to all this? Not really. It's merely an observation that things might be out of control. Us, the human race, out of control? No way! Here's a quick solution. We need to make people aware of ribbon abuse and we will start by making the ribbon red*, but not before we make a Facebook group claiming that without 3-million members we won't have the funding to afford the dye for the ribbons. This makes as much sense as anything else does and it would probably work.

* (One more cause to the colour red won't hurt anyone. Plus it gives us a head start with all the pre-existing supporters.)

Check out the madness here:
http://www.craftsnscraps.com/jewelry/ribbons.html

Are The Most Popular Films The Best Films?

This is a paper I wrote comparing the Canadian and American film industries. It outlines some of the specifics on whether or not a Canadian-made film could ever reach blockbuster status within the industry.

Movie Comparison

James Cameron’s “Titanic” is the highest-grossing movie of all time, cashing in with approximately $1.8-billion in box office sales. In comparison, Canadian made “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” barely broke even with an approximated $12.7-million.

In their respective countries, both movies have achieved the top spot as the highest grossing film in the box office. However, “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” is speculated to be the third highest-grossing Canadian film in history; losing out to the 1970s comedy “Porky’s” due to inflation.

Even though it was a success in Canada, “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” failed to reach the kind of recognition “Titanic” achieved in 1997. When comparing the films statistically, it is hard to speculate whether or not “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” even had the makings to be as successful if given the same opportunity “Titanic” had.

Below details some of the figures for each film.

Bon Cop, Bad Cop (2006)
Production Budget (USD) = $8-million
Worldwide Box Office Sales* (USD) = $12.7-million
Widest Release = 260 theatres
Awards = 5 wins & 20 nominations
Average Review Rating (As seen on Rottentomatoes.com) = 6.1/10 (Counting 6 reviews)

Titanic (1997)
Production Budget (USD) = $200-million
Worldwide Box Office Sales* (USD) = $1.8-billion
Widest Release = 3,265 theatres
Awards = 11 Oscars, 76 wins & 48 nominations
Average Review Rating (As seen on Rottentomatoes.com) = 7.3/10 (Counting 95 reviews)

* The information presented does not include aftermarket revenue and has not been adjusted for inflation.

With box office sales being used as a tool for film comparison, numerous aspects should be taken into consideration when comparing Canadian and American films alike.
1. Economic inflation.
2. Opening on a weekend against strong competitors.
3. The size of the marketing campaign.
4. Credibility of the filmmaker and production company.
5. In Canada, due to economic and distribution issues, theatres will often choose films that are more likely to generate money over ones that wouldn’t, giving Canadian films little opportunity for success.

Critical Acclaim

Depending on the filmmaker, the definition of success may vary. Some may seek the approval of established figures within the film industry, while others will look to the box office and their audience. Still, a movie that has received rave reviews from critics may have done poorly in the box office and vice-versa.

Critics are often people already of the film industry, which can be viewed as highbrow by some. For this reason, a number of filmmakers prefer to base their film’s success on box office sales and audience feedback. This gives the filmmaker positive reinforcement and the financial means to continue making films.

Popularity

Before a movie opens, a marketing campaign is put into motion. Trailers, websites and actors appearing on talk shows are just a few ways studios build hype for their film. Studios spend copious amounts of money on advertising to help make their films as attractive as possible before the audience has a chance to view it. After the opening weekend, the film then lives on through word-of-mouth. Now having seen the movie, the audience quickly spreads their opinion on to family and friends. A simple text message or a full review on a blog can potentially make or break a movie after its opening weekend.

Using pop-culture and capitalizing on currently popular themes also helps to keep a studio’s film marketable after the initial hype has died down. This is seen in the current vampire craze among young-adults, which taps into a pre-existing audience, set off by Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” series. Vampires, and the lore surrounding them, have been retrieved from pre-existing material. However, a series of films are scheduled for release, with two already available, which will take advantage of the popularity surrounding the series. In addition, a slew of copycat content has followed suit with the likes of “The Vampire Diaries” and “The Vampire’s Assistant”.

Awards

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Cannes Film Festival and Music Television (MTV) are a few types of diverse organizations that host their own brand of award show. Each respective award has its own distinct style and audience. Whether one award is more influential than another is subjective. However, the general consensus leans toward the Academy Awards, also known as the Oscars, as being the most prestigious.

As mentioned above, movie awards can be seen as subjective. Consider MTV and the programming they provide. MTV draws a young audience by utilizing current trends and popular culture. As part of it, advertisers market their must-have products to the channel’s impressionable age group, helping create the MTV brand. Naturally, when the award show arrives the nominees end up being the most popular among their target audience regardless of the film’s quality. Because of this, the MTV Awards have little influence over the success or failure of a film.

On the other hand, the Academy Awards carry the title of being the most influential among award shows. Simply winning an Oscar can drive up ticket and DVD sales. Nevertheless, the Oscars are not without faults. Despite raking in approximately $1.1-billion at the box office worldwide and having an average rating of 8.5 out of 10 (as seen on Rottentomatoes.com), they excluded 2008’s “Batman: The Dark Knight” from nomination.

The Academy Awards have the stigma of being extremely political. Some people suggest that the committee is filled with elitists due to their criteria for member entry. Ty Burr gave his opinion in a Boston Globe article saying, “The Oscars are in fact a popularity contest designed not to award good movies but movies that make the film industry look good.”

Final Thoughts On Critical Acclaim, Popularity & Awards

They say Canadian cinema is cinema with heart, but even heart can’t win out against Hollywood. With American studios fronting blockbuster films with massive budgets and paying even more on marketing them, Canada has little hope of ever finding a place in American cinema. Each country’s style of cinema is radically different, with Canada’s being artistic and America’s appealing to a mass audience.

When looking at the numbers for “Bon Cop, Bad Cop”, you can clearly see that the film didn’t stand a chance compared to “Titanic” in the box office. The funding for Canadian movies does not exist; limiting what a film can and cannot do. No matter how much acclamation and attention the film received, “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” still did not have the financial means to market their film.

Once again, money seems to be the deciding factor on whether or not a film will become a success. Critical acclaim, popularity and awards are all icing on the cake, which help an already established film reach atmospheric heights. With the Canadian film industry not having the means to compete with Hollywood, Canada will continue to be hard pressed in the highly competitive film industry.

Bibliography

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Burr, Ty. "The Oscars still wobble on an axis of art and popularity - The Boston Globe." Boston.com. The New York Times Company, 22 Feb. 2009. Web. 21 Nov. 2009. .

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Dwyer, Sean. "Bon Cop Bad Cop Becomes Most Successful Canadian Movie Of All Time - Film Junk." Film Junk Blog And Podcast. Web. 18 Nov. 2009. .

Weird Sex and Snowshoes: A Trek Through the Canadian Cinematic Psyche. Dir. Jill Sharpe. By Gabriela Schonbach and Katherine Monk. Moving Images Distribution, 2004. DVD

Leipzig, Adam. "FILM; How to Sell a Movie (or Fail) in Four Hours - New York Times." The New York Times - Breaking News, World News & Multimedia. The New York Times Company, 15 Nov. 2005. Web. 21 Nov. 2009. .

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Vivian, John, and Peter J. Maurin. The Media of Mass Communication. Fifth ed. New Jersey: Pearson Education, Inc., 2007. Print.